After Lily's death I read a lot of books about pregnancy and infant loss. A common feeling described in those books was one of "aching arms." Moms ache to hold their baby. I never felt that way. I'm not sure why. I don't know if it's because Lily was so small that I couldn't really cradle her in my arms. She pretty much fit in the palm of my hand. I remember holding her there. I remember the weight of her body in my hand. If she wasn't in my hands, I had her wrapped in her blanket on my knees. Maybe that's why I never had this ache to hold her. I thought it was just something I would never feel.
Until today. This morning I woke up with a strong desire to hold Lily. To snuggle her into my chest. I wanted to cradle her in my arms and rock her to sleep.
It is just unfair. My only option is to hold her urn. I just want her back.
Oh, Rebecca! I wish you could hold your sweet baby too! We are thinking of you and praying you have peace knowing she is in your heart, forever! She has touched many people, through you. Lily will never be forgotten. Hugs!!!
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